I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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