the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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