I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i barfeds in our rink
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
