Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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