just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Liz is crying about burritos again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
