Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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