You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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