I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
