Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
