Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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