For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
