I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
