No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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