i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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