the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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