I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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