we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
