It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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