he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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