i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
