I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
