i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
