Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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