ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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