I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize