My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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