so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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