I wish my penis had an off switch
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
