we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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