His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
