Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

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(214): I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute http://tfl.nu/955u

Replies (12) Good night (1034) Bad night (1564)
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(718): View more from New York

you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

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(718): you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD" http://tfl.nu/zg6m

Replies (29) Good night (1150) Bad night (4693)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

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(604): My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't. http://tfl.nu/nrau

Replies (13) Good night (1610) Bad night (3897)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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(610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd

Replies (40) Good night (6213) Bad night (1241)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.

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(501): I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet. http://tfl.nu/tfvj

Replies (8) Good night (1720) Bad night (822)
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(269): View more from Michigan

just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.

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(269): just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment. http://tfl.nu/lbx2

Replies (3) Good night (822) Bad night (1318)
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(440): View more from Ohio

i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms

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(440): i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms http://tfl.nu/a43l

Replies (4) Good night (691) Bad night (892)
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(514): View more from Quebec

so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.

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(514): so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view. http://tfl.nu/r0p2

Replies (2) Good night (1641) Bad night (539)
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(925): View more from California

Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you

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(925): Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you http://tfl.nu/oly8

Replies (11) Good night (1011) Bad night (1681)
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(954): View more from Florida

We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.

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(954): We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens. http://tfl.nu/nlwp

Replies (5) Good night (1000) Bad night (452)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night

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(401): My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night http://tfl.nu/qfjr

Replies (4) Good night (1408) Bad night (368)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.

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(720): I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks. http://tfl.nu/u2av

Replies (3) Good night (670) Bad night (320)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.

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(410): I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling. http://tfl.nu/eba9

Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (860)
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(315): View more from New York

Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.

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(315): Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all. http://tfl.nu/q4jp

Replies (1) Good night (721) Bad night (256)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!

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(708): I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped! http://tfl.nu/5pnp

Replies (2) Good night (911) Bad night (245)

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