He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
