i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.