Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?