You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.