Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.

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(314): View more from Missouri

No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.

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(310): View more from California

He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

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(509): View more from Washington

i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)

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(330): View more from Ohio

Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.

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(407): View more from Florida

50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.

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(415): View more from California

That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th

(905): View more from Ontario

That's the best thing I've heard all week.

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