i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing