I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.