good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
