Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize