her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to have your abortion
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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