pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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