You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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