this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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