I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
