So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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