seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
