not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
