some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
