I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
