I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
