My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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