Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
