I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
