dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm passing your future prison.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
