I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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