I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize