i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
