my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
