I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
