It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
