yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize