he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
