im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize