I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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