Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
