I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
